Introverted Heart

Lately, I have been reflecting a lot on opening the heart to love .  The kind of love where our beloved knows everything about us .. where there are no secrets.. and yet we are cherished right down to the very last wart.   We all want crave it, hope for it, and pray for it.  Yet, we secretly fear it. Why?

Simply put, it requires us to be vulnerable.  It demands that we show who we are to our beloved.  It insists that we expose our soul trusting that it will be treated with kindness, thoughtfulness, and love.  It requires nothing less than an act of bravery.  But, for most of us, bravery dissipates when we are in love. We  don’t reveal how we truly feel because we fear being hurt and being unable to recover.  For those of us who have loved and lost before, these fears are multiplied a thousandfold – like me.

I’ve had my share of failed relationships – each one creating a bigger wall than the next.  I forgot that they were only meant to be temporary walls while I heal instead of permanent architecture.  Instead, I buttressed them with negative thoughts, feelings of unworthiness, tales of past failing, and self doubt.  I listened to these voices but they were never my friends.

Then, something happened which changed all that.  In one encounter, I realized what  I lost and what I wanted.  I reminded myself that if I built the wall, I can take it down – by being BRAVE.

Now that it hasn’t turned out as I hoped, it would be easy for me to build  up those walls.  But I can’t.  I can’t because I know now that fear never served me.   It only kept me alone – behind the walls I imprisoned myself in.  I can’t because my heart feels happy to love someone so unconditionally regardless of reciprocity.  I can’t because in opening my heart, I feel truly ALIVE. Fear built those walls.  My unconditional love and bravery knocked them down.  I pray that others find the courage to be BRAVE.